Wig Wigs Wigs

7/24/2014 Wig Shopping

So I didn't really know what to expect as I was headed out to try and find me a new look.  I had a team of supporters with me: my mom, Andy's mom and sisters, and my fashion queen Rhonda.  I new that they would be honest with me and not let me pick out something crazy.  We had 3 places lined up for the day and arrived at the first stop at 9 AM in Wales.  This lady only had a couple of Wigs to choose from, and explained a little about some of the cap differences inside.  I had red wigs, blonde wigs, brown wigs, some with highlights, long ones, shorts ones.   The hard part was picking out a style and trying to look past the actual color of the wig.

 So we narrowed the vote down to one wig when we left Xanadu's.

Onto the second appointment in Pewaukee at the Healing Haven.  This lady does it out of her house.  It took us awhile to find it at first, but boy was her place beautiful.  You could tell right away that she was very passionate about helping people that are in my situation.  She talked about how cancer can affect us in so many different ways, and hugged me a couple of times.  She really encouraged me to remember that this is the one thing that we can control.  If there was anything cosmetically that was bothering me she could help. She said over and over, that "WE GOT THIS PART"!  

So now let the fun begin,.  Lisa had so many wigs for me to try on, and in so many different styles and colors.  She new what she was doing that's for sure.  As we went through we had a "Yes" pile, "Maybe" pile, and then of course the "No's".  We had asked her if she had the Mickey wig that we had picked out from the first place and she did.  When she got it out of the box and I tried it on, boy was it crazy.  It just kept getting puffy, especially when we went out side and I was running around her front yard.  Yes, you read that correctly, I literally was running around.  I wanted to make sure that if I went outside I still liked the color, and the wig still looked good.  We had it narrowed down between 3 wigs, then 2.  Rhonda has one of the wigs on and we were trying to compare them.  Eventually, I made my decision.  I'm right between a petite size and a regular.  So we have to get the regular and try to tuck the wig.  Seems crazy to me, but she assures me that it will work.

We were with Lisa for 2 1/2 hours.  It was now one o'clock and we still hadn't ate anything, and were supposed to be in New Berlin for my last appointment at 2.  I decided that we would go out for lunch and I would try and reschedule my last appointment for later in the day or Friday.

We ate at the Lake House in Pewaukee.  The food was really good, but the service was slow.  I wouldn't recommend going unless you had at least 2 hours to kill.  It took them 20 minutes to bring us our drinks, and over 45 minutes before we got our mozzarella sticks.  Really how hard is it to drop those in the oil and make?  I could maybe understand if the restaurant was packed, but there was only one other table that was in the restaurant besides us.

When we got home later that night I downloaded the pictures so I could show Andy.  After looking at the pictures I started to panic.  I called Rhonda and talked with her.  I called Kris, then Mick.  I'm looking at these thinking this is the wig I picked out.  Oh my gosh.  Really?  

I laid in bed that night just thinking about the day.  I finally broke down in tears.  Andy asked what was wrong.  Was it something I read in my book?  I told him not really.  I had a really fun day with all my girls, but the reality of it is this is truly going to be happening, and its happening to me.  I'm the one that's going to be losing my hair.  I'm the one that is going to look funny.  I'm the one that is sick.  

So Friday Rhonda, Kris and my friend Kasi went with me to the 3rd stop we were supposed to make in New Berlin.  Andy, my mom, and the kids stopped in towards the end of the appointment.  I'm very glad that this was not the first place we went to.  The service was not to good.  They were running a half hour late, but didn't really give us any suggestions on what to do why we were waiting.  They say things are private, but yet they have all the wigs sitting out on manikins in the waiting room.  We took our own initiative and wrote down some of the names of the ones to try on.  I was able to try on my 2nd place wig I had picked out from the Healing Haven and absolutely loved it.  It laid perfectly on my face and was not bulky.  The problem is they won't take the wig in for me, so it would actually fit my head better.  I don't want to be walking across some parking lot, having the wind pick up and away flies my wig.

So needless to say, I still don't have a wig ordered yet and day 17 is fast approaching.  That's the day that most people start to lose their hair.  I have my next round of chemo starting Monday, and then my recovery days.  Hoping my hair will hold on longer than they expect.

Special Delivery

Wednesday 7/23/2014
Today was going to be a pretty low key day.  I had my Grandma Nick and Auntie Donna coming down to visit and help me with the kids.  I was feeling good, and finally started to have more of an appetite.  Although I'm far from eating the portion sizes that I used to eat.  After breakfast I decided I would shower and get ready for the day.  I noticed that I had some more nipple discharge and was wondering what in the world that meant.  So on the phone with the doctor I am again.  Here I had called earlier in the week for a sore toe that started to get infected.  I was planning on just using home remedies by putting on anti-bacterial ointment and soaking it.  Talking with my mom she told me I better call my doctor.  So I gave them a call on Monday and they put me on antibiotics right away.  This made me realize that any little thing, might lead to something bigger and they don't take those chances.  (Glad to say my toe looks great now).

So now that I'm on my second call to my doctor in 3 days, I told them I didn't want to be one of those nagging patients but I wasn't sure what the nipple discharge meant.  They assured me to keep calling with anything, anything at all to call.  Although they probably wouldn't want to hear from me 5 times in one day I'm sure.  I'll try and keep it down to only 5 times in a week maybe.  Anyway, they did want me to come in so they could examine me to see if I had any signs of infection.  They took my vitals and drew blood right away to see my count levels.  When the nurse practitioner examined me she thought everything looked great and the discharge could be a sign of the chemo breaking down the cells.  She did say my blood pressure was low and wanted to give me some fluids intravenously.  I told them it wasn't a problem, so we were there another 2 hours getting some extra boosters for the rest of the week.

It actually worked out quite well.  Why I was there I was able to talk to one of my friends that had also gone through this same treatment a year ago.  She was in for one of her Herceptin treatments.  We were able to talk face-to-face versus just through text/emails.  Larry, one of the counselors was also there, so we were able to talk about a couple things and how things could be affecting our kids.  Andy had ran out to get me a Mint Oreo blizzard and just got back in time to watch a couple Friends episodes on TV before we headed back home.

I felt bad because we had left Grandma and Donna at home with the kids, thinking it was only going to be an hour.  Which clearly turned into 3.  The roof was still standing when we got back, Donna trimmed my flowers and watered them for me.  The kids were drawing pictures with sidewalk chalk. They said everything went fine.  (THANK YOU!)

Now you're probably wondering why in the world I titled this "Special Delivery".  Well, when I got back from the doctor there was a package on my counter addressed to me.  When I opened it up there was a card from Aaron Rogers and the Green Bay Packers.  How cool was this?  Aaron Rogers and the Packers sending me something.

It's hard to read but it does say:

 Please know that we are thinking

     of you at this time

 and wish you the very best.

 Aaron Rodgers and The Green Bay Packers

When I dug in the box right on top is an autographed football from the 2012 Packers team.  Andy was so excited because of course one of his idols is Charles Woodson, who's signature was right in front by Aaron's.  There were so many things inside:  of course the football, a Packer umbrella, 2 Packer key chains one with my name flashing on it, deck of cards, Packer pen, Packer socks, Pink Gatorade towel, Packer Tote, Packer blanket, pink wrist sweatbands, and then for the breast cancer awareness they do every year in October I got one of the Packer Hats with the pink cancer symbol on back and pink on the front.

What an awesome surprise!  So most people are probably wondering how in the world I would get something like this.  I'll just say Thank You Aaron Rogers and my close friend Jessie Micke:)

Chemo Treatment #1

7/14/2014 First Chemo Treatment

Many thoughts were running through my head as we were preparing to go in for my first Chemo treatment. Biggest concern was of course how was I going to react. After the port placement and feeling sick from that, I was quite concerned that I might have a long 20 weeks ahead of me. The thought of trying to take care of 3 kids the way I would want to might be a far fetch dream, at least for now.

Well, we dropped off our kids at Andy's family for the firsts 3 days. This way we could adjust to how I was feeling. I left in tears as I new that I wouldn't see them for a couple of days, but also tears knowing where I was headed.

The cancer center is right where we live; taking only 5 minutes to get there, so very convenient. The rooms are all private with a recliner, tv, dvd player, WIFI, a window room if we wished, and plenty of room for others to be in the room with the patient. We chose to be in a room that didn't have a window, because they are in the process of adding on an ER section to the hospital and we thought it would be less distracting.

The oncology nurses were more than wonderful and explained everything they did in great detail. First they took my weight and vitals, then they drew blood so we could see where all of my counts were at before we started this horrific journey. I repeated my first and last name several times as well as my date of birth whenever they would administer anything intravenously. First they started me off with saline, and a steroid drug to help with the nausea for the first day or so. I could taste the saline in the back of my throat, they suggested that I bring some hard candy to suck on next time. Andy's sister Mick showed up, which was nice to have another person to converse with, and try and keep my mind off of what was about to happen. We had to wait about 30 minutes to get my blood work back before we could even start with the chemo drugs. Everything came back good. I had a couple low counts, but nothing they were concerned about.
Now for the Chemo drugs. I am having 4 rounds of dose dense AC every other week. This is what I had on Monday. A-Adriamycin is known as the "Red Devil" as it is some potent, hard-nosed chemo drugs, and can cause some not fun side effects such as: risk of infection, bruising, bleeding, anemia, fatigue, nausea, eye problems, hair loss, sore mouth, taste changes, bladder irritations, diarrhea, sun sensitivity, and nail changes. In rare instances, Adrimycin can cause heart damage. This is why I had to have the MUGA test to make sure my heart was strong enough to undergo this type of chemotherapy.

During the infusion, I felt a little light headed but that was about it. The nurse actually sat right next to me and every 30 seconds would dispense the chemo into me. This one took about 10 minutes because it has to be a slow shot into my bloodstream. It looked like red Kool-aide (no joke). Then, after the A-aka "Red Devil" was administered, the C-cyclophosphamide came. That was simply a bag drip for about 30 minutes.  This one towards the end was giving me a pretty bad headache, so they slowed it down a little bit more.

Chemo #1 was done in no time.  In total, I was there for about 5 hours, with only 45 minutes of it having the chemo drugs put into my system.  My oncologist, Dr. Hake, stopped by to see how I was doing before we left and actually showed us the MRI of my left breast.  No one had shown me what it all looked like yet, but after seeing it I'm not sure if that made me more nervous.  I'm just thankful that I now had the chemo drugs in my system and are already working to fight this cancer!

It was about 1:15 and Andy and I hadn't ate anything yet.  So instead of going home to find something we decided to go out to eat.  Well, at the restaurant I told the waiter that depending on how I was feeling we may need to leave.  So we paid for our food right away.  I felt dizzier as the time was passing, but did make it through lunch.  (Which I'll regret later).  When we got home my head was hurting so bad, I had an ice pack on my neck and forehead.  Then to top that all off, I felt so sick to my stomach I thought I was going to puke.  I was hugging the toilet for a little while.  I couldn't stand the metallic taste that kept going down the back of my throat.  It was just awful.  I eventually just took some more nausea medicine and went to bed.

The next couple days, I definitely felt the fatigue set in.  It's hard to believe how tiring just taking a shower can be.  I haven't had much of an appetite.  Just eating toast, smoothies and drinking water the best that I can.  The kids came home on Wednesday, which I was super excited to see them.  But realized that I won't be able to do everything that I want to for them.  I'm thankful for all my helpers I had for the week (Andy's family, my best friend Kelly, sister-in-law Shannon, and Aunt Sue).  I truly would not have made it through these first couple of days without there help!  THANK YOU!!!!

As I think about what God has put in front of me these passed couple of weeks.  I do take comfort in knowing that he is hear holding my hand through all of this.  I have my huge support from friends and family on one side, and then him holding up my other.  When the cancer kicks my ass and tries to take me down, I know that I will stand up and fight it!  I will beat this!  I have to, for me, for Andy, for my kids.
IT will not win, I WILL!!!!!

The Port Placement

7/08/2014 The Port Placement

My mom of course was down again (THANK YOU).  In the morning we had a meeting with the Genetics Counselor to talk about the different options we had for testing.  We still are deciding on what kind of test we will do for this.

Then we headed off to the hospital to get ready for the port placement.  We arrived there at 12:30, and Andy met us shortly after he was done with work.  It took 3 different nurses to get an IV started for me.  They each only get one chance, I told them 3 strikes and there out!  So luckily I was getting the port, because if that happened every time I went in for blood work or Chemo, that would have sucked.  Not that this journey alone doesn't SUCK!  Now we were ready and waiting for the surgery which was supposed to happen at 2:00.  Needless to say, my Dr. was in a surgery that was taking him a little longer than expected, so finally I got wheeled down for mine at around 3:30.  Of course, I didn't feel a thing because they put me under for it.  Andy and my mom said that the surgery went really fast, as they were waiting and watching the colors change on the screen for what stage I was in throughout the surgery.  However, they were getting a little nervous because I was in the recovery room for a really long time.  I don't do well with anesthesia so I felt pretty sick to my stomach.  We finally got back to my room around 5:30.  All I wanted to do was get home and sleep, but I was so dizzy.  I made one attempt to walk down the hallway, and that didn't go so well.  They made me lay back in the bed for about another hour.  It wasn't until after 8 before we left the hospital.  I did get sick in the car and once at home.

My dad was waiting to see me at home before they left for their trip.  It was comforting to have him there and embrace me with his arms.  I know that he hasn't been able to be down for a lot of the different appointments, but I know that he is constantly thinking about me and always wanting to protect me.

The port itself was sore for a few days, and definitely felt weired having this foreign object now inside me.  But for the most part people won't even know that I have it, and it will be a tremendous help with my treatments.  I attached a picture so you can see what it looks like.  The bump area on my chest is the actual port and where I get my treatment.  Then there is a catheter that runs up over my collar bone to my jugular.  It's a pretty slick devise, I just hope I get used to having the port in.  I feel when someone tries to give me a hug, I'm reluctant to get to close because I want to protect it from getting hit.  That should be no problem with 3 little kids that come jumping on me:)

Meeting the Doctor's and all of the Scans

So I was finally told, that I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Andy and I immediately went to the internet to find out what that meant. IDC begins in a the milk duct in the breast and breaks through into the surrounding fatty tissue of the breast. From there, IDC can metastasize (spread) to other parts of the body through the bloodstream or lymphatic system.

Over the next couple of day's I had an MRI done, met with the surgeon and oncologist, and then had a CT scan, Muga test, and Bone scan. My mom came down and took me to the MRI. It really was an easy test. Lasted about 45 minutes, just was a little sore because of the biopsy that was down earlier.

Andy, my mom, and I sat down with the surgeon for 1.5 hours. We figured having another set of ears along would be helpful, and I guess when your sick it always helps to have your mom there comforting you too. He explained the different treatment plans that we could do. Explained a little more about the cancer and answered questions that we had. He truly was sincere and made you feel like he cared. He said that we will get through this! It will be long and hard, but you will make it. He then helped set up the appointment with the oncologist for the afternoon.

Our meeting with the Oncologist lasted for over two hours; Dr. Hake was incredibly knowledgeable about breast cancer, and really, really nice with a great sense of humor. At this time Dr. Hake did say that he got some of the pathology report and was able to tell us that I have grade 3 cancer meaning it is irregular cells that divide and spread at a more rapid rate than grade 1 or 2. It is also local advanced stage 3 cancer. This means it is larger than 5 cm and has spread to at least 2 lymph nodes. So since that cancer has started to spread and at this time we weren't sure how far, he advised us to start chemo treatments first, and then follow up with surgery and radiation. Unfortunately we still had to wait on the receptors to know what type of chemo treatment I was going to be on. He explained the two different options both consisting of 20 weeks of chemo treatments, but at this time I had so much information thrown at me it was hard to follow. Dr. Hake did go over all the NASTY side effects that I will likely experience. I had actually known about some of the side-effects, but hearing it straight from the horse's mouth made this all so much more real--real in the sense that it will all really be happening to me. We are treating my cancer very aggressively due to my age and type of breast cancer that I have.

We got the results from all of the scans and they came back clear. So at least some good news that they didn't find the cancer any where else. My Muga scan came back at 72%, which they said was good and that my heart should be able to handle the chemo treatments. We found out that I am ER+(estrogen) and PR+(progesterone). This means that the breast cancer is considered “hormone-receptor-positive.” So most likley one of the chemo drugs that I'll be receiving is tamoxifen (an anti-hormonal medication). Hormonal therapy may help to slow or stop the growth of hormone-receptor-positive breast cancers by lowering your body’s estrogen levels or blocking the effects of estrogen. We were still waiting on the HER-2 test. Her2 status is a marker test performed on certain breast cancer tissue. Her2 is a gene that helps control how cells grow, divide and repair themselves. Cancers that have too many copies of the Her2 gene tend to grow fast but respond well to a treatment that works against Her2 called Herceptin.

The Phone Call

June 30, 2014
A day I will never forget.  I was obviously extremely nervous, not knowing when the Dr. was going to call with my biopsy results.  Andy luckily did not have to work this week because of the 4th of July coming up, so I at least knew he was going to be home with me when the results came back.  Unfortunately he decided to go out for a run, and of course the Dr. would call at that time.  So I stepped outside with my phone and the Dr. told me the news, "I'm sorry Sheila, but just like I suspected the tests came back positive".  He assured me that they will have a plan and help me get through all of this.  He then told me a lady would be calling me later today and she would be my navigator.  She would help get appointments set up with the Doctor's and push things along.

I got off the phone and didn't know what to think.  I was in shock that this was happening to me.  I crumbled down and started bailing.  Both Gavin & Graysen were yelling, "Mom, What is wrong?  Mom, Mom".  They ran to me, and I just squeezed them.

Shortly after, I got a call from the navigator, Michelle.  She said the next steps will be to get in for an MRI and then also meet with the a surgeon.  She would call me back when she got a hold of my family Doctor, he needed to order the MRI and then also find out what surgeon he wanted me to see.

Andy finally got back from his run, some reason he decided to run for an hour or at least that's what it seemed.  He came in the door, and through my tears I said my results were positive.  He embraced me.  He tried telling me that things were going to be OK.  They were going to have a plan, and we would beat this.

I called my Mom and brothers, and Andy called his parent's and sisters with the news.  Everyone was very supportive and also said things were going to be OK, just try and stay positive.

Michelle called back and we were set for appointments on Tuesday, July 1 was going to be my MRI and Wednesday, July 2 we were meeting with the surgeon at 8 AM.  The pathologist would be reading my MRI and seeing how far the cancer has actually spread and the details of what we are dealing with.  My Mom  was on here way down so she could be there for another set of ears during all of the appointments.  We spent a lot of time on Google, just trying to understand what we could about cancer.  Looking up what kind of diagnosis I could have, and hoping for the best.

It's hard to describe all of the emotions.  I was shocked that something like this could be happening to me at such a young age.  How does someone just all of a sudden end up with cancer?  How was I going to be there for my kids?  My husband?  What if something happens and I don't make it?  God, please tell me how???  Please tell me why???  Please tell me I'm going to be OK, and live to see my kids grow up.

Now it was time to wait again.

June 27, 2014

My sons 3rd birthday.  We were planning on attending a birthday party at the beach this day and then heading up to Plymouth camping with friends.  However, I had seen my family Doctor earlier in the week to discuss a lump I had found and other issues I was having with my left breast.  He had told me he thought I had a huge hematoma going on and that we should explore things more.  So I had scheduled to have an ultra sound and mammogram done on Friday, June 27.  Thinking nothing of it I was still planning on fitting my appointment in at 9:15, hitting the beach at 10:00, then heading up for camping around 2.

So I headed to my appointment at the clinic right where we live and they put me in a comfy white robe and had soft music playing.  You'd think I was heading in for a massage, not for mammogram where they're going to smash my boob in a machine.  The mammogram wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.  The nurse pointed out that I had some calcifications in my left breast and my right breast was clear.  She also said that lots of women have them, she did and hers are benign. After the mammogram the nurse brought me back into the room and said she would be right back.  Keep in mind I thought I was going to be in and out.  I had things to do and places to be.  The nurse comes back after about 15 minutes or so and said the Dr. wants her to take a couple more shots on my upper left breast area.  So back in the mammogram machine we go for more squeezing and x-rays.  Finally, nurse #1 is done and back into the waiting room I go listening to that soft, soothing music again.  Nurse #2 comes shortly and now were heading in for the ultra sound.  This was definitely much easier and reminded me of the ultra sounds from having my kiddos, except of course a completely different area showing up on the small TV screen.  I was trying to make out what was showing up, but of course all I could see was dark spots and cloudy grey areas, so it all looked terrible to me.  After a good half hour of being a bit uncomfortable back into the the original room I went.

Waiting to finally meet the Dr. so he could tell me some news about what was going on.  I could tell from his face that things didn't look good.  He told me that I needed to get a biopsy done to see about the calcifications that showed up, and a couple other areas on the mammogram and ultra sound they were concerned about.  He said there was an opening today at the hospital if I was able to go.  I said I needed to try and get a hold of my husband and also see if my in-laws could watch my kids longer.  I guess I wasn't making it to the beach.

Well, I could barely get words out of my mouth when I talked to Andy.  He told me that everything was going to be OK and he would meet me at the hospital.  When I got to the hospital the nurse was waiting for me already to get everything started and Andy still was going to be 30 minutes away.  They said when he got there they'd let me know and bring him back.  So of course I got to put on another comfy, white robe, listen to some more soft music, but NO massage!

The nurse took me back to the room and asked all of her questions she needed.  Andy got there and came down as the Dr. talked with the two of us about what he was going to do.  He did tell us to prepare ourselves because he was pretty certain that this was cancer.

The biopsy wasn't to bad.  It was all done with an ultra sound, so I could watch they whole thing as they were doing it.  They had taken 6 samples from my lump area and then took 4 samples from the lymph node that was enlarged.  I was pretty sore and started to have a lot of pain.  They told me to take some Tylenol, ice the area, not to lift anything more than a gallon of milk, and try not to think about this to much.  Of course this all had to happen on a Friday, so I had to wait all weekend to get the results.

Since there was not much else to do, but shed a few tears we decided to still head up camping.  We figured this would help keep things off our minds versus just sitting at home staring at each other and waiting.