Grateful, Tired, and Moving Forward

May 27th - Last Radiation Treatment

Stage one of my treatment plan is complete. I’m incredibly grateful for my radiation team—especially Dr. Weyers and the radiation technicians. I truly looked forward to the daily check-ins, sharing little updates, and chatting with the nurses along the way. Dr. Weyers is simply amazing—she listens, answers every question thoughtfully, and never once made me feel rushed. At my final appointment, she did prepare me that the next few days would likely bring peak fatigue.

Over the past couple of days, I’ve continued working to manage the nausea. Most mornings start with an anti-nausea pill just to get moving. I’m thankful that my skin handled radiation well, but the fatigue has definitely been real. Even something as simple as walking across the track to cheer on Gavin at regionals was a challenge. By his second race, I needed help just getting back up to the bleachers—which is so not me.

There have been so many people who have stepped in to support us over these past weeks, and it’s hard to even begin to thank everyone. I’m especially grateful to my cousin Rhonda for taking me to so many appointments—you mean more to me than you know. Thank you to my cousin Kate, and to friends Liz and Jenny, for coming over and helping clean our home. And to everyone who has sent cards, messages, gifts, and meals—thank you. These are all things I haven’t been able to do, and your kindness has lifted such a weight, not just for me but for Andy as well.

So many people ask how I’m doing when they see me. My usual response is, “I’m hanging in there” or “I’m doing okay.” But what I really want to say is this—I hate this. I hate not being able to go outside and play games with my kids. I hate watching them play frisbee golf or basketball instead of jumping right in. I want to pick up a volleyball and bump it back and forth with Clara. I want to jump on the trampoline with them. I want to not be in constant pain or feel nauseous all day long. I miss being able to do everything I could before I got sick. I miss me.

I know people say to trust in God—that He has a purpose through all of this. And I do believe that. But some days, it’s just really hard.